Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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