you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
