I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
