I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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