she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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