Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize