I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
