i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
