she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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