I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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