I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
