Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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