I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
