this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
