My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
