You made me cry and you don't even care
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
