just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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