You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
