It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
