I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
