doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
