My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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