My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
