Who wears a wallet chain?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
