After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
