I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
