grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
