$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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