guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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