Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
