just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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