Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
