My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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