the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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