Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
