Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
