I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
