Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
