the condom got lost in my hair
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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