Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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