I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
