I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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