sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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