I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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