You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
