Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
