Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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