do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
