no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
