Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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